Offensive Shadows
by JackieStarSister
Summary: While looking for information on her family, Pidge runs into Haggar, who shows her all that she hopes and fears. How will she handle it? What will the team think when they learn what happened? Could be read as a loose prequel to "Every Mother's Prayer." Cover art belongs to lanketdeer.


"Offensive Shadows"

Pidge knew she was in a bad situation, but she tried to keep calm, because panicking would not help. She had known the risks when she asked for permission to deviate from the primary mission and check this ship's database for information about prisoners. The others had agreed because she had already proven her competence and self-sufficiency during other missions and emergencies. The problem was that they had not expected any druids to be here, much less the one who seemed to be Zarkon's confidante, the one who had tortured and experimented on Shiro.

Pidge told herself this was not a different _degree_ of danger than she had faced in the past, just a different _kind_ of danger. She had already defeated Galra soldiers and droids, sometimes all by herself. A druid was just a different challenge, one that Shiro and Keith had both faced and survived to tell about.

It would not be easy, but if they could do it, surely Pidge could too.

She stood with her back against the wall so no one could sneak up on her from behind. "I know you're there," she called out aggressively. She held her bayard close to her chest, ready to attack once she knew where to aim it.

There was silence, but Pidge did not trust it; she could sense something, someone, present nearby.

The voice that answered sounded female and ugly, like a rock scratching a brick. "You forgot to log out."

 _Quiznak_. She had been so hasty about getting out … Did Galra tech have records of browser history? How much had they deduced from Pidge's activity?

Pidge was so anxious she did not see the druid until she was fifteen feet away. Her face was hidden behind her hood, but she was more frightening than any witch Pidge had seen depicted in art or stories on Earth.

"The Green Paladin," Haggar drawled. "The youngest, the smallest, yet the _brightest_."

Was she trying to scare Pidge, or flatter her?

" _You_ didn't want to be a hero. You wanted to find your family."

"So do a lot of people in your so-called Empire."

Haggar ignored the attempted jab, and asked, in a tone that was almost pleasant, "Would you like to see them?"

Pidge reasoned that was either a rhetorical question, or an offer, neither of which merited a response.

"I can take you to them."

That actually might be true. The druids were so close to Zarkon, they probably had access to the information Pidge needed. It was not a question of whether she could, but whether she would.

"Emperor Zarkon will gladly free them, if you offer something in return."

That raised Pidge's guard. She knew Zarkon wanted the Voltron lions more than anything else. "No. I'm not giving up anything. They're not his to trade."

"You have a brave heart, an able body, and an acute mind. You would do well in our service."

"Never!"

"Join him. It is the only way you will save your beloved father and brother."

Pidge could see them in her mind's eye, which suddenly seemed to take up more of her vision than the hallway she was in. She imagined them in the kind of purple prison uniform Shiro had been wearing when he returned to Earth. They might look different, but she would know them anywhere.

They might not recognize her at first. They would see only the Green Paladin of Voltron. She would have to take off her helmet so they could see her properly, the face they knew and the haircut they had not seen before. They would be so amazed, relieved, impressed, overjoyed to see Katie.

Matt would exclaim happily, "Katie! We've been waiting for you!"

Her father would say proudly, "I knew you'd find us."

She turned off her bayard, and lowered it from her chest.

"I knew you were out there," she would tell them, her eyes filled with tears and her heart filled with joy. "I missed you so much."

"You must do whatever it takes," the druid encouraged her. "You have the ability and the will."

She was right. Katie had known that from the beginning. She had promised her mother, and herself, that she could, and would …

"PIDGE!"

The sound of the name her teammates used broke the spell's hold on her mind. She realized she was only a few feet away from Haggar, holding her bayard out. She drew it back violently, stumbling away from the witch, who made a furious noise and vanished.

Pidge blinked, further disoriented. Had Haggar been a vision too? Or had she been a hologram, like the ones Pidge herself had used to distract and lure away her enemies?

Shiro's voice sounded through the comm: "Pidge, talk to us! Did you find them?"

She swallowed, clutching her bayard and forcing herself to get a grip on the situation. "No. I thought I had, but I didn't."

Haggar's cackle reverberated around her, confusing her sense of direction. Pidge tensed. "It's not real," she said, reminding herself and confirming to her friends.

The hallway darkened, the purple lights dimming until only the glow of Pidge's armor and bayard provided any illumination. She could no longer see the walls. Was this real, or in her mind? Was there a difference, in this point in time and space? Science and magic were so intertwined, how could anyone be sure of what was real and what was an illusion? _Cogito ergo sum_ , but how could one know what was real outside of one's own being?

Pidge could still hear Haggar's laughter, but she heard other voices, familiar ones that she had heard throughout her life, but lately only in her dreams.

Matt's voice, desperate: "What's taking you so long?"

Her mother's voice, angry: "You could have saved them!"

Her father's voice, hopeless: "It's too late, Katie."

"No!" she cried, simultaneously defensive and desperate. "I'm coming! I just need to find—"

The air was filled with her family's screams, as she had heard them in the past, but now amplified.

The darkness lifted, and Pidge saw something out of place on the floor of the hallway. She took a step forward, but her boot crushed something underneath. She lifted her foot, and saw she had stepped on and broken a pair of glasses—with rectangular frames, like her father's.

Feeling sick, she looked again at the strange shapes and recognized them: three human bodies, bloodied and distorted.

"NO!" Pidge screamed, and shouted it again and again. She fell onto her hands and knees, closing her eyes and willing the vision away. _Not real, not real, dreams seem real until you wake up—_

"You see what you know to be possible," Haggar sneered, unseen and seemingly omnipresent. "What you hope is no more likely than what you fear."

Pidge sobbed, choking on her own saliva. She felt like she was suffocating, as though someone was holding her by the throat.

Haggar's taunt was like a whisper in her ear: "You know what you must do."

Suddenly, a new voice, shouting: "Get away from her!" Then came sounds Pidge had come to recognize: weapons discharging blasts of energy.

The strangling sensation disappeared, leaving Pidge shaky and sore. She rolled onto her side and curled up in the fetal position, tucking her head down and pressing her hands against it. She had neither the physical energy nor the mental capacity to fight; her mind and body had already failed her; she would have to rely on her armor for protection—and if that failed, she would not mind dying now.

"Pidge!"

She opened her eyes just enough to see Shiro coming over and kneeling in front of her. He touched her arm gently, concern visible through his helmet's face shield. "Pidge, are you okay?"

She shook her head, unable to speak. If she opened her mouth she might vomit.

Lance barked at them from across the room. "Guys! We have to go, now."

"On it." Shiro scooped Pidge up and carried her, holding her close so she didn't jostle against his armor as he jogged down the passageways. Pidge kept her face turned toward his chest, not wanting to see any more of their surroundings.

After a few minutes she could hear the sounds of fighting—grunts, shouted instructions and expletives, different kinds of metal hitting each other—and covered her ears again. She wanted to block out everything, feel nothing, think nothing …

"It's okay," Shiro murmured, "I've got you."

Pidge did not know how long she was in that limbo—maybe a few minutes, maybe an hour. The sounds of fighting faded at some point, but she did not pay much heed to any outside stimuli.

Finally Shiro said, "Pidge? We're back at the castle. We're safe now."

He thought she had been afraid for herself. She didn't have the energy to correct his assumption. That would require describing the very thing she was trying not to think about.

She was going to ask if he could put her down before the others saw her, but then she heard their voices.

"Shiro?"

"What's wrong?"

"Did something happen to Pidge?"

Shiro's voice was uncharacteristically hard as he answered. "Haggar cornered her. I think she tortured her."

The others reacted with sounds of horror and fury.

"Does she need a cryopod?" Coran asked.

"I don't think so … she's not physically hurt, just shaken up."

Pidge swallowed and, by some miracle, found her voice. "You can put me down."

"You sure?"

Pidge lifted her head and nodded. Shiro knelt slightly and set her on her feet. Coran, Allura, and the four other paladins stood around them, concerned. "I'm sorry," she told them.

They blinked at her, and then Keith voiced what they were all thinking. "What are _you_ sorry for?"

"I forgot to log out of the database … then I got lost … and I pretty much shut down when we were supposed to be escaping. It won't happen again."

"We all make mistakes," Lance said dismissively. "Today was your turn."

The corner of Pidge's mouth twitched, wanting but not yet able to smile.

"Why don't you all clean up," Allura suggested, "and then we can debrief." The others nodded and headed for either their respective bedrooms or some of the communal bathrooms. Allura put a hand on Pidge's shoulder. "Do you need any help?"

"No." Pidge walked away from her touch, willing herself to put one foot forward at a time, and trying not to think about the hallucinated crunch of glass under her foot.

She came to the room she called her own, though it was no more hers than her barrack at the Galaxy Garrison. She changed into her casual clothes, an outfit that had belonged to Matt before he outgrew it. She had only worn his hand-me-downs since taking the name Pidge.

She didn't want to go back and see the others, much less talk about what had happened; but neither did she want to stay alone in her room.

Allura was waiting outside her door when she came out, and walked back with her to the lounge. Pidge took a seat in the middle of one of the unoccupied sofas. The Altean mice clambered onto her lap, curious and comforting.

Hunk filled a hovering tray with cups filled with a warm drink, a tea-like brew made from herbs and spices he had collected from various planets. He handed a cup to Pidge and sat down next to her, his eyes soft. "You feel okay?"

Pidge started to nod, an automatic response, but then shook her head. Every since admitting her identity, she had been trying not to lie to her teammates.

Once everyone was assembled, they took turns sharing what everyone else had not been able to understand through their live communication. Pidge was silent while the others shared their parts of the story. But when Shiro and Lance got to the part about rescuing her, everyone turned to look at her. Pidge, in turn, stared at her tea and the mice in her lap.

Allura knelt in front of her, full of earnest concern. "Pidge … what happened after you left the archive room?"

When Pidge did not answer right away, Keith spoke up. "She doesn't have to talk about it if she doesn't want to." Pidge felt a rare moment of gratitude toward him. He was the most private person in the group; he understood not wanting to share certain experiences.

"This is important," Allura insisted gently. "We need to know how much the Galra know about us—if they know our strengths and weaknesses. We must be prepared in case they use these tactics against us in the future."

"It had to do with your family, didn't it?" Shiro sat on Pidge's right. "We could hear you over the comm. You were calling out their names. We thought you may have found them."

Pidge finally found her voice. "I thought so, too … twice." She rotated the warm cup in her hands. The others waited patiently, until she found the words and forced them into sentences. "Haggar found me, and seemed to have figured out what I was looking for, and she … well, she exploited that motive. She wanted me to give up the Green Lion, or agree to work for Zarkon. She said it was the only way I'd find my family." Her throat felt tight again; she took a tiny sip of tea, enough to relax the muscles in her mouth and throat.

"Were you considering it?" Keith asked.

"Keith!" Hunk and Lance roared indignantly.

"Yes," Pidge said flatly. The others looked at her with varying levels of surprise. Pidge lowered her eyes, too tired and heartsick to feel as ashamed as she knew she should be. "I was weighing my options. And then she showed me my dad and Matt, looking the way I remember them … she made it sound like the smart move … I wasn't thinking straight, and I almost gave her my bayard … I don't know what else I would have done. But then you said my name, and I realized what was going on … I tried to fight her, but she disappeared … and then the visions changed."

"What did you see?" Allura asked, too caught up in the story to be sensitive. Hunk sent her a look.

Pidge set her cup on the hovering platter. She could barely bring herself to say it. "I saw them again … and my mom, too …" Pidge choked, and couldn't stop a sob from escaping. She took a deep breath, but her voice still cracked when she spoke. "I hardly ever worry about her, because she's supposed to be safe, away from the war … but I saw her, too … all three of them were … dead, or dying … a-and it was my fault … they b-blamed me …" She pushed her glasses up with her fist to wipe the tears leaking from her eyes.

Shiro leaned over and put his arms around Pidge, who leaned into him and cried freely. Normally she tried not to display her full range of emotion, not wanting to give her peers any reason to think she wasn't tough enough to be a paladin, but right now she didn't care what they thought of her. Shiro understood the fear and pain of her experience, and knowing that he understood was enough to break down her wall.

She was surprised when Hunk spoke up, softly but sincerely. "Sorry you went through that."

Pidge sat up, removed her glasses, and wiped her tears away. When she put them back on, she saw the others looking at her. There was no judgment or anger in any of their expressions, just sympathy and sadness.

"I don't think any of us blame you for what you were tempted to do," Coran said. "We all miss our homes and families."

"Yeah, anyone might have been targeted that way," Lance agreed. "They only knew it would work for you based on what they'd just learned about you."

"It's not just that I miss them," Pidge insisted, trying to make them understand. "I can deal with being apart. I was used to that, on Earth, when Dad was on space missions and Matt was away at school. I just can't stand not knowing what happened to them. I don't know if they're in a prison, a work camp, a gladiator ring … or homeless, or hurt, or dead."

Shiro turned to face the Alteans, but kept his flesh arm around Pidge's shoulders. "I know keeping Zarkon at bay is our priority, but we've been putting off finding the Holts. I think it's time we started actively tracking them."

"I would like to … but we don't know how long that would take," Allura said, wringing her hands.

"If it takes more than a few days, we can stop; but we won't figure out how long it will take unless we start."

"Finding them might make strategical sense as well," Coran mused. "After all, now the Galra know who Pidge's father and brother are. If they're still in custody, Zarkon could use the Holts as leverage against us."

"He could blackmail us to get our lions," Keith realized with alarm.

Pidge clenched her fists on her lap. She had gotten used to putting aside her personal motives to focus on the bigger picture, so much that she had rejected the druid's suggestion of a trade as a matter of course. But life and freedom were two very different things. If she had to choose between her lion and their lives, she would give up her lion without hesitation.

Allura looked at Pidge, who could barely meet her eyes. Allura knew too well the pain of losing a father, as well as the horror of confusing illusions with reality. "All right," she conceded. Pidge looked up, slightly startled, not daring to believe what she heard. "Pidge, do you still have the coordinates of your relatives' last known location?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'm granting you and Shiro leave to go there and begin your search. We'll station the castle nearby in case you need help."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"We'll leave tomorrow, then," Shiro decided.

Pidge's eyes welled with tears again, but this time they were the result of different emotions than before—not quite joy, but leading up to it—hope, excitement, anticipation. She wiped her tears quickly and met Allura's gaze. "Thank you," she breathed. "Thank you so much."

"We're all here for you, Pidge," Hunk promised. "We're rooting for you, and your family."

"I know," she acknowledged. "That means everything to me."

* * *

Author's Notes

The title is a play on the line "If we shadows have offended" from Puck's speech at the end of William Shakespeare's _A Midsummer Night's Dream_.

The cover art is listed on Pinterest as "lanketdeer: Paladin of Forest / Fallen - Druid Pidge". The link to the Tumblr page no longer works, but I found them on Twitter and asked for permission to use the image.

I know this seems like part of a larger story, as though it could have more before or after it, but I'm keeping it as a short story, because that is really all I have in my head. Although I love thinking about all the different ways the Holts might be reunited, I do not want to take the time and effort to make up a story about Pidge searching for them, because the show will eventually reveal how that happens.


End file.
